How to Handle Monstrously Hot Weather
With the forecasters readying us for 100 degree temperatures tomorrow, I’ve appreciated the ideas from you folks regarding coming up with a hot weather outdoors Sven outfit.Suggestions have ranged from a specific costume for specific events- i.e., a cooler Sven cowboy outfit for a Little Boots Rodeo (no, not chaps-knock it off!) to general cooler attire- like supplanting the tuxedo jacket with a cape. Keep ‘em coming… I still worry that people want Sven to look just like he does on the tube, but, as a few kind souls have said, maybe they don’t mind if I look different if it means I’ll be more comnfortable.
Regardless- the heat will be on for several days,even if I don’t have another appearance until a week from this Friday, and we all need to take care of ourselves during the heat wave.
How would the famous monsters handle this? Well, most vampires would probably avoid the sun- as usual- but such hot daytime temps will keep the nights just as steamy- so, the key for Count Dracula and his ilk is -to hydrate! They tend to do that anyway- but never before has the phrase “in cold blood” been more inviting.Maybe they could also exchange the coffin they sleep in for a freezer chest- just take out all the food , especially the steaks (yeah, that’s a bad joke…)
The Frankenstein Monster might intone “Fire- bad…humidity-WORSE!!!” He could probably use some of his excess electrical life-force to power a window air conditioner, or, at least, a portable fan.Hanging out in those catacombs beneath the old castle ruins-as we saw in “House of Frankenstein”- where there is probably still some ice- certainly would keep him in cold comfort.
Ah, what about the Wolf Man? Like his canine brothers, would he have to pant to keep cool? A body-wide crew cut might help lower his temperature, but would make him look much more hilarious than horrible.
Okay, the Mummy is -possibly- in better shape, providing his wrappings are of a lightweight fabric, though being completely wrapped in anything can’t be the coolest of outfits.An abbreviated two-piece wrap might be cooler- but…do we WANT to see that centuries old skin? (The exception might be the mummy from our “Tomb-Digger” music video!)Seeing Kharis’ bare legs, though, might just be more than even the staunchest archeologist could stand. Maybe his current handler/high priest could help him out- when he brews that tanna leaf tea- why not make it an ICED tea?…then again, what am I talking about? He’s usually shuffling around the Egyptian desert! He’s USED to heat!
The Incredible Shrinking Man could lounge on one of those plastic deals filled with blue water that you keep in the freezer to cool food you’re bringing somewhere. I’d guess he’d have to avoid most fans- it’d be like fighting tornado-like winds!
The obvious winners in all this- the Creature from the Black Lagoon, who can submerge himself in the lower, cooler depths of some body of water (though it won’t be as easy for him to tickle the toes of some swimming lass who’s up near the surface)-and- of course- the Invisible Man. He’s already running around sans clothing- you can’t get cooler than that.I do have a few questions about him, though- if he spends too much time out in the sun- would he get a tan, and would that make him visible? Can he get a sunburn? If he puts on some high SPF lotion, would it look like the greasy outline of a man?
Am I over-thinking this whole thing? Perhaps my energy is better spent thinking nice cool thoughts- let’s see- I’m up north, where the Deadly Mantis has just thawed out of the ice…
12 Responses to How to Handle Monstrously Hot Weather
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For staying cool maybe it is a good idea to blast off into space or get beamed into a space ship like in This Island Earth??
As long as you’ve got the make up on people should understand. I suggest either tying your hair into a pony tail that would keep the back of your neck more comfortable. I like the vest idea you still wear a long sleeved shirt. I think like the make up the hat is a must have.
As far as monsters handling the hot weather that’s coming, I think that Dr, Jeckyll would be alright keeping cool in his cellar laboratory, but Mr. Hyde would get hot under the collar and kill the weatherman. The Sun Demon would be the only monster who would be very comfortable.
In this type of weather the Blob would simply melt.
To quote the great Bill Jackson “Myaw hawwww!!!!”, oh sorry wrong Blob.
As for personal appearances, I think you should contract for air conditioned facilities. Go Madonna on them.
I also put a plug in for you with the new owners of Santa’s Village to have you come out there for a day. Two classic Chicago traditions that both got a second chance to show how incredible they are.
Here is my suggestion for the Summertime Sven
Straw hat
keep the wig
Hawaiian Shirt with a Universal print ( you can find them online, I just did.)
Cargo shorts (cargo pants if you don’t want people to see those…varicous veins, sorry)
white socks
and cool Nike shoes that are black
It would be a kick for the fans to get a picture of you in a different outfit anyway….
Sven, I’m glad you’re considering some of the suggestions for warm weather attire. I’m sure that as long as you have on your trademark makeup, top hat and rubber chicken necklace, you could even get away with a dark colored short sleeved shirt if you wanted to.
I did a quick search and learned that tuxedo jackets come in a variety of fabrics, so if you’re really attached to the idea of wearing the ol’ jacket, maybe you could get a nice, light cottony one….”cottony” being a word I just invented, I think.
Okay, Sven, I have the answer… seriously…
Consider spending some of that HUGE WCIU-budget and buy a cool-suit… the refrigerated undergarments that race drivers wear under their 3-layer suits to stay cool during long endurance races.
No? How about a sandwich bag full of dry ice stuffed down your trousers?
Hi Sven.
I just saw the YouTube video you posted on your Facebook page featuring Cassandra ‘Elvira’ Peterson giving you the shout out. I really enjoyed that. It was also cool to see her without the Elvira costume for a change.
Ooh! Glenn just gave me another idea! Have you seen those backpacks that hikers carry with the built-in straws for sipping water while hiking? Well, maybe Sven could have a special lightweight vest with built -in straws for sipping the beverage of his choice. Some super-duper bright red fruit punch would look spooky flowing through a couple of crazy straws…..or have I gone “crazy straws” myself?
Tube top and spandex mini-skirt. If you’re going to go different, go big, right?
OR, if that doesn’t appeal to you….You could do a takeoff on some of those hideous outfits that golfers wear. Some really obnoxious plaid pants; some black polo shirts and put monster-face logos on them (like what you did with the shirts you wear on Stooge-A-Palooza); and maybe a black version of those golfer’s caps with the little white yarn ball on top. And to really sell it you could carry a golf bag full of rubber chickens. You could do a great job with it, and more importantly it would keep you a lot cooler.
I like Albert’s suggestion about wearing black, short-sleeved tops with Universal monster face logos on them. I also like agree with Esther’s suggestion to wear some “cottony” tuxedo jackets. Speaking of cotton, maybe some lightweight leisure pants made of that material would be more comfortable, too. You could also attach a small, portable, battery-powered fan or a parasol of your to the brim of your top hat.
Of course, the simplest thing might be to just go “au naturelle,” though you should keep your top hat. No? … This is a family show? Oh, okay. Never mind, then … It was just a thought (LOL).
Personally, I’d love to know how Kerwyn and Tombstone keep cool in hot weather. Maybe you could let them post some of their suggestions some time.
Just a comment about The Invisible Man being out in the sun, sans clothing. I recall that (at least in the H. G. Wells book) the reason he could be completely invisible was that he was an albino, and thus his retinas would not be visible when the rest of him was. Apparently the invisibility didn’t work on retinas, and I’m guessing it wouldn’t work on melanin in the skin either. So, The Invisible Man would not tan in the first place; I would bet that sunburn wouldn’t show either. However, if he applied the high SPF sunscreen (very necessary for him, and all over), I’m sure a greasy outline of a man could be seen (as it would if he applied sunburn remedy – think pink calomine lotion). Ick!
Sven/Rich: I think the Phantom of the Opera and the Mole People would be just fine in this hot weather, too. Why not? Both live in the cool underground–the Phantom beneath the catacombs of the Paris Opera, along with his own sewer system and underground lake, to boot (for a quick, refreshing dip). And the Mole People have all that dirt to cover themselves in and remain cool; besides, the underground Sumerian civilization they live in protects them from the sun anyway (unless they venture into the “Eye of Ishtar,” the one opening that allows the sun to pop in).