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Captain’s Log: Catalog Continuation

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I just keep finding more unusual things in these mail order catalogs that seem to clog up my mailbox every few days. Before I hit more of the inventory, please let me remind you that, this Sunday afternoon, I’ll be visiting the legendary horror collectibles store- Horrorbles- in Berwyn for a special event. It’s the release of the special comic book “Haunting Tales of Horrorbles”- and you can pick up a copy, and meet the creators- store owner John Aranza, along with Rafael Nieves and Dan Dougherty- see the original artwork for the book, and get autographs. I was honored to write the introduction for the book, and I’ll be there, from 1 to 3 pm, to join the guys in signing the new book for you! That’s this Sunday at the Horrorbles store- 6729 W. Roosevelt Road in- BERWYN!!! Now, back to the catalogs- for those of you who live by the code that duct tape can fix anything- you need the duct tape mug- it’s actually ceramic, but looks like it’s held together by a wound-around layer of duct tape! (kids- do not try this at home with a leaky broken mug and real duct tape…) Also available- the porcelain cup that looks like a paper cup, complete with lid. I keep imagining someone seeing that on a table, and tossing it out, thinking it’s a REAL paper cup. There goes your 19.95… What’s the deal with magnetic salt and pepper shakers? These catalogs have plenty- some sort of make sense, like the two praying hands- one for salt, one for pepper, that stick together-but- the Lincoln and Lee magnetic shakers?! “Hey you two- no fighting at the dinner table” says the blurb. These would make more sense to me if they had extended hands that would stick together, like shaking hands to resolve their conflict- but they don’t- so, if you get them near each other, they just might stick to each other in a way that might conjure up “Brokeback Appomattox”…they also have ceramic gas pump shakers, but they are not magnetic- good thing- if they were, imagine them clinking together, followed by a huge explosion of gas igniting… How about the “Titanic Crew T-shirt”? As if they had t-shirts with the date of its maiden voyage made for all the crewmembers- they might as well added the phrase “We Hit an Iceberg- and All I Got WAS This Lousy T-shirt”… Star Trek fans- beware of sand going where no man has gone before! They have Trek beach towels that each look like an original Star Trek uniform, complete with appropriate trim and chest symbols- you can get the gold, like Kirk would have- a blue Spock towel-or, a red one, which, if I remember correctly, means you’ll be killed. Be ready to see those red ones on the clearance pages in a month or so… They have a transistor radio that looks like a late 50s-early 60s model, the kind we used to hide under our pillow at night to listen to Dick Biondi on WLS (heck, we could still do that now!) It looks just like the original- but, I can probably find one in my basement that’d still work, so- why order this one? All I need is a 9 volt battery… Here’s one I kind of like- it’s a Rubik’s cube safe! It looks like the famed cube- but it’s hollow- you put your valuables inside, lock it up- then turn the three middle layers of squares to the right combination, and it opens. Somehow, I get the feeling there will be a lot of these split open in frustration by people who don’t remember how to “solve” them! Okay, I’d better stop for now- before I decide I can’t do without some of these things. Back in my wallet, credit cards! I mean it!