The Villagers Light Olympic Torches!

Posted on by

I just read something about NBC green-lighting a 10 part “Dracula” series, featuring former “Tudors” star Jonathan Rhys Meyers. Between that and the reboot of “The Munsters”, NBC is truly utilizing its Universal connection…and now, I’m wondering- could they utilize it even further with their broadcasts of the Olympic games starting tonight? You might recall we mentioned something a while ago, about how the guy in charge of this opening ceremony had planned on basing some of it on his recent stage production of “Frankenstein”-so- why not? With the games being held in London- a fine location for several horror films- I can see a procession of “villagers”, much like those in the “Frankenstein” series of films, running through the streets carrying torches- only they could be Olympic torches! A nice touch would have them driving the Frankenstein Monster into the stadium and up to that big bowl that’s usually the final stop for the torch- but, as the Monster flailed and growled, his “mother” the lightning would strike the middle of the bowl, igniting the giant torch to symbolize the beginning of the game. (Pay no attention to the Monster subsequently freaking out, screaming “Fire- BAD!”) Unlike critics of the American team’s outfits,the Transylvanian team would have no problem wearing berets, designed by the Phantom of the Opera- though manufacturing them in the sewers of Paris might give them a distinctive- uh- “air”… They could have Count Dracula himself organize a Transylvanian team (with a few ringers from the Universal roster) and have the Count become the Coach (instead of driving the coach, in disguise, like he did in “Dracula”)… he could bring the Monster in on several events- basketball (why do I imagine Herman Munster clomping around the gym floor, easily stuffing the ball while towering over the other players?)- perhaps the shot put ( if they could just keep him from using a small child named Maria as the shot)- or even weight-lifting or boxing (his one –handed clout to the back of the head could mean easy gold…) The swimming events would be a natural for the Creature from the Black Lagoon- just keep him away from the women’s events, because he’ll be distracted, as usual, by any female who’s in the water. He also would be excellent in water polo- one swipe of his claw would propel the ball like a cannon shot! I would definitely enlist Larry Talbot for the long jump- only if it’s held on the days of a full moon- since we’ve seen the leaping prowess of the Wolf Man. (They could sign him up in advance for the Winter Olympics, where he could be a lead sled-dog…wait, do they have those kind of races as an event?) While the Mummy definitely wouldn’t be eligible for the track team (my lord- he’d finally cross the finish line a full day after everybody else! Besides, he might be barred for using that tanna leaf tea as a performance enhancement)- he could be of use as a member of the training team, helping to wrap up ankles and arms- he may actually get carried away and cover entire bodies. The Phantom, besides designing the uniforms, could possibly be in the fencing events- hey, he already has most of the mask- and, if Coach Dracula is also allowed to compete, he could be a big help in the sailing event- spreading that cape could provide an edge as an additional sail – and, wouldn’t an Olympic medal look fine, matched with his Dracula family medallion? For the closing ceremonies, it would make sense for the Werewolf of London to do the honors of extinguishing the Olympic flame- as long as he didn’t also extinguish some of his old flames from Piccadilly Circus!